A journey to self love can be complicated when we were not shown how and were taught to care take others. We can get lost in people pleasing to get validation rather than learning how to give that to ourselves. This blog article is my own journey of self discovery to find love for myself and 101 ways you can do it for yourself.
It all starts with one step
In 2015 I was early on my journey of healing from my past. I moved into a flat in Brixton and that is when I first stumbled open the term ‘self-love’ it was literally alien to me prior to this! I was all about loving ABSOLUTELY everyone else but myself. I had no idea how to do it or why it was even important.
At this point of my life I was not sure I even liked myself never mind loved myself.
I had an extremely loud inner voice that was telling me I was nothing and shouting about everything that was ‘wrong’ with me. I believed that voice completely and had no idea that this was a voice from my past.
I believed the answer to feeling happier was to get someone else to fall in love with me. Back then I was under the impression that if I could get said person to love me everything would get better and my life could move forward.
It was in attempt to try and make someone else fall in love with me I discovered self-love and started the process of loving myself. I remember at the beginning of 2015 reading an article that said if you wanted to get a soul mate to fall in love with you the key was self-love. Thankfully that person never fell in love with me but my attempt to love myself for him created great change in my life.
Overtime I did learn to fall in love with myself making my whole life transform. It is what lead me to working with others in my coaching practice and my now healthy relationship with my fiancé Simon. Self love is a human need and when we love and care for ourselves everything changes.
Self love changed everything about my life. My career, my relationships with others and my self and helped me to grow self esteem and move away from people pleasing.
When you love yourself your able to move forward in life in a healthier way and make decisions which are for YOUR own highest good and no else’s. How can someone who is good for you love you … if you don’t even like yourself. How will you know that someone is treating you badly, if you treat yourself worse. So many of us are just not taught this principal of self-love and self-care when we are young and that is why we have to learn about the process as an adult. Often because our parents didn't know how to show themselves healthy love.
Nurturing ourselves on the inside is what helps us to grow healthy self esteem and then we want so much more for ourselves. We find our own version of happiness as loving ourselves helps us to find who we truly are.
I remember years ago before my self love quest, one of my best friends cancelled on me because she was ‘too tired’ to meet up and I was so upset because I really needed to speak to her and she knew I did. I remember thinking how selfish this friend was and I think I was annoyed with her for a little while. Because I would never do that I would be there in everyone’s darkest moment when they needed me and I certainly would never cancel!
I realise now that she was showing herself self-love and self care and there is nothing wrong with that. I however was constantly giving and never cancelling plans due to other people’s dark moments and not giving myself any of my own self-love or self-care. This was making me exhausted, depressed and rather bitter. Self love empowers you to take control of your own life and happiness.
Below is my list of 101 ways to show yourself love. So why don’t you try something from this list and see what happens for you.
Self-love is sharing my story and my pain
Self-love is meditation
Self-love is saying I am not ok
Self-love is exercising my body
Self-love is feeding myself food which is good for my body
Self-love is loving my body no matter what size or what weight
Self-love is reading affirmations in the mirror every day
Self-love is solo holidays
Self-love is reading self-help books
Self-love is walking away from toxic relationships
Self-love is healing addictions
Self-love is going to therapy
Self-love is listening to a podcast
Self-love is saying NO
Self-love is understanding my own story from the beginning
Self-love is journaling
Self-love is watching a sunset
Self-love is going for a walk in nature
Self-love is seeing the world
Self-love is cooking myself a healthy meal
Self-love is drinking less alcohol
Self-love is leaving a job where I wasn’t appreciated
Self-love is expressing how I feel
Self-love is having a salt bath with candles
Self-love is going for a massage
Self-love is going on a relaxing holiday by a beach
Self-love is making sure I sleep 7-8 hours
Self-love is not making too many plans
Self-love is spending time on my own
Self-love is going on a date on your own
Self-love is identifying your needs in a relationship
Self-Love is forgiving yourself for the past mistakes
Self-love is forgiving others and letting go
Self-love is telling people how to treat you
Self-love is trying new creative pursuits
Self-love is putting yourself first
Self-love is dream journaling
Self-love is rejecting someone who is not right for you
Self-love is buying clothes that make you feel good
Self-love is spending money on good quality food
Self-love is watching tv/films that lift your spirits
Self-love is going for a promotion and asking for money
Self-love is blocking someone from contact if need be
Self-love is writing poetry
Self-love is sharing stories with people who have been through the same as you
Self-love is healing co-dependency
Self-love is to stop trying to fixing others
Self-love is to stop manipulating and controlling others
Self-love is to be honest and open
Self-love is to be authentic
Self- love is healing childhood trauma
Self-love is running
Self-love is doing a job you love
Self-love is working for a company you are proud to be part of
Self-love is knowing your worth
Self-love is talking to your inner child
Self-love is choosing a romantic love which meets your own personal needs
Self-love is following your own heart no one else’s
Self-love is choosing how you want to spend your time
Self-love is telling your parents how they made you feel
Self-love is having compassion for yourself
Self-love is showing yourself kindness
Self-love is keeping yourself safe and away from extreme triggering situations that will affect your physical or mental health
Self-love is prioritising your physical, mental and spiritual health
Self-love is to silence the inner critic
Self-love is to explore spirituality
Self-love is to learn how to be a healthy adult
Self-love is to work with a specialised coach to achieve your own goals
Self-love is to breathe to calm down anxiety
Self-love is to consciously live
Self-love is to do yoga
Self-love is to have goals
Self-love is to stop emotional eating
Self-love is to stop body shaming
Self-love is to ignore someone’s message if you choose to
Self-love is to take a lunch hour
Self-love is to date someone who makes you feel good
Self-love is to choose a romantic partner who validates and affirms you
Self-love is to leave work on time
Self-love is to do 10,000 steps every day
Self-love is to go for a reiki session
Self-love is to heal your body with craniosacral therapy
Self-love is to cry
Self-love is to stay in bed and watch Netflix
Self-love is to do nothing if you want to
Self-love is to paint your nails
Self-love is to have an expensive hair cut
Self-love is to have a facial
Self-love is take yourself for an expensive meal
Self-love is to surround yourself with people that make you feel safe and lifted
Self-love is to be around people who make you laugh
Self-love is to walk away from relationships that hurt you even when that upsets others
Self-love is dating not your type
Self-love is being aware of narcissists
Self-love is choosing a romantic partner with a secure attachment
Self-love is moving homes if the environment doesn’t make you happy
Self-love is to read other people’s stories of growth
Self-love is considering your own emotions and feeling above others
Self-love is choosing your own dreams
Self-love is always choosing YOU and your own happiness!
Self-love to prioritise YOU
If you need some more inspiration why not listen to the following podcast episodes:
or to kick off your own journey of self discovery check out the 8 week signature Heart's Happiness to grow self love.
Look forward to sharing more stories with you soon in my blog.
Intergenerational Trauma and Happiness Coach, Mentor, Speaker, Writer and Podcaster