Fear of Being Seen: How to Stop Shrinking and Step Into Your Full Power

Realizing I had a fear of being seen...

I didn’t even know I was afraid of being seen, that I was shrinking myself. It felt like just my personality since I was a little girl.

I was super sensitive, feeling all the emotions of the toxic family I was born into. I knew I didn’t want to be angry or hurt people like my dad or grandad.

So the little girl created a survival plan: be quiet, still, palatable. Shrinking. Not being seen or heard. I had no idea when I was little how this would impact my life, relationships, business or money..

Childhood Patterns That Keep Us Small

Being a child of a narcissist means boundaries are never respected or seen. So you learn to give, to please, to caretaking — using your sensitive superpowers to tune into others and shape-shift so they won’t attack. To manage the environment as best you can.

Even after my dad passed away, that instinct stayed. I found myself in relationships that echoed the same patterns:

• Friendships where attention or success caused jealousy.

• Family relationships that lashed out when I prioritized myself.

• Backhanded comments when someone complimented me.

  
  

I continued to shrink and hide, frustrated with my romantic life in my late 30s, the state of my finances, and tired of living to please others just to keep the peace. I knew I was worthy of more. I wanted to feel excited by life. To feel enough. To feel peace, joy, and pleasure.

Choosing to Step into my Visibility

I was done with the narrative that my unsafe childhood made me a victim. I decided it was time to stop shrinking. To become the person I was meant to be.

I wanted relationships that loved me for who I truly was, not how I soothed them. To be fully seen for who I was, not who others wanted me to be.

Now, in my early 40s, I have a whole new career as a coach and mentor. I’ve helped thousands around the world heal from their past to claim soul-led expansive lives. I’ve spoken on stages and met the love of my life.

When we hide who we are out of survival we don't just block out the bad we block out the authentically aligned relationships. This can be the clients we love working with, easy money in sales, soul mates and empowering friendships.

So this strategy from childhood was for surviving not thriving which is why it has to be transmuted.

The little girl wants to hide in the shadows but the women in you is meant to be seen! To be celebrated for all she is. That version deserves to receive.

Patterns still Arise

This pattern still comes up. Even now, people sometimes lash out because I choose to be seen and take space. I’ve lost friendships because others preferred the smaller, more palatable version of me.

This is projection of shame, and it stings. But it’s important to remember: someone else’s projection is not your responsibility. You can step away from anything that doesn’t feel good for you

You can be ok even if others aren't. You don't have to shrink.

Physical and Emotional Impact of Shrinking

Some of us were taught by childhood environments to swallow projected shame. Others learned to project and release shame by taking it out on others.

The healthy way is to allow shame to dissolve — not absorb it. Gabor Maté, in When the Body Says No, says absorbing shame can make us sick, even seriously. I noticed this in my own autoimmune and inflammation markers.

As I began having boundaries with my inner mean girl and others’ projections, my health improved.

A Walk and Visualisation claiming Visibility

On a walk, I visualized my inner child feeling safe to be seen. I expanded the light of my heart, imagining myself as the main character of a movie, full of love and divine connection.

A man told me off for crossing a path. It triggered anger, memories of a lifetime of shrinking to avoid conflict. I reminded myself: his anger was about his perception, not my worth.

I processed the emotion, sent him love, and spoke to my inner child:"Sweetheart, that person’s anger is not because you are a bad thing. You are safe. You are allowed to take space. You are allowed to be seen."

This is a practice a do regularly to allow my energy to take up space after years of shrinking. So my body can feel safe in being seen. If others react I just tend to my inner child lovingly. as I explained in this example.

You will have to do this regularly so your younger versions and nervous system feel safe with being seen for who they are.

Why Shrinking Blocks Abundance and Fulfilment

Shrinking and being palatable may make some people like you, but it blocks the authentic love, relationships, career opportunities, and fulfilment you’re craving.

When I allowed myself to be seen:

• I attracted a partner who valued me fully.

• I expressed myself online and attracted a new career.

• I opened space for fulfillment that was impossible when shrinking.

• I gained friendships that didn't require me to perform or give but they actually valued be for being my authentic self.

• I made over 6 figures just from sharing my stories and being myself

Even as a woman in my 40s, societal and familial patterns can still trigger fear, but stepping into visibility continues to expand my life. But the truth is when we wear masks because we feel like the person we are is not enough or not worthy we burn ourselves our trying to win approval. Easeful wealth comes because we stop shrinking! We allow ourselves to be truly seen.

Tools to Overcome the Fear of Being Seen

Here are some practices I use to reclaim my visibility:

1. Expand Your Energy and Protect Your Space

Visualize your energy growing outward, imagining a protective shield that lets love in and judgment out.

2. Reconnect With Your Body and Boundaries

Notice what feels unsafe in your body. Set boundaries with love and clarity.

3. Heal Your Inner Child

Speak to yourself with love, hug your inner child, and cheerlead your younger versions. This is the version who thinks who they are is not enough. Parent them how you wish you were spoken to. Here is the course to help you.

4. Choose Safe and Supportive Relationships

Spend your time and energy in relationships that support your authentic self. Your whole system will feel safer to be you as a result! Haven't got them? You can join our supportive community It Ends with Me email manpreet@heartshappiness.co.uk

5. Stop Self-Abuse and Inner Criticism

Notice how you speak to yourself. Make yourself someone you can trust. Swap the self shame for self love. It is just a habit often repeating the ways others have spoken to you. Choose today to speak differently.

6. Take Bold, Aligned Actions

Whether it’s career, love, finances, or lifestyle, act in ways that reflect your expanded self. Hiding feels more comfortable right? But it doesn't actually give you what you want. Make a commitment to take the actions to give yourself the life you want. Start with baby steps and the go bolder and bigger.

7. Evaluate Your Environment

Assess your inner and outer circles. Surround yourself with people and spaces that reflect your growth. Notice the relationships and environments that don't support you become the happier version of yourself. Have boundaries with these relationships or leave them.

8. Daily Practices for Visibility

Mirror work, affirmations, and journaling to reinforce your worth and power. Telling yourself multiple times that you can do this and you are safe to do it!

Choosing Visibility Over Survival

Society and family often teach us to shrink to stay safe. But this comes at the cost of unfulfilled potential.

When you choose visibility, you step out of survival programming and into a life that’s expansive, soulful, and aligned with your true self.

Conclusion

The fear of being seen is real, but it doesn’t define you. You can step into your full power, take space, and shine your authentic light. Healing the younger version of you.

Join the It Ends With Me community, where women rise together, heal past patterns, and consciously create thriving careers, soulful relationships, abundant finances, and conscious families — all guided by alignment and heart-centered power. This space officially opens in December 2025 but when you join the Heal Your Inner Child Programme in Oct-Dec for £333 you will get 6 months in It Ends with Community when doors open, access to heal your inner child for its lifetime plus 3 x bonus calls - 30th October, 20th November and 11th December all 7pm UK time. Plus there is a community messaging group . Sign up to Heal Your Inner Child here to get all bonuses for just £333